I gave my love a cherry that had no stone...

I gave my love a chicken that had no bone...

Mouth Breathers

Here I am watching TV with my friends William and Caroline.  William is the one with the stupefied look.  Caroline is on the right with the slack jawed expression.     Me- I'm rockin the beer belly and nursing the sippy cup full of Pabst Blue Ribbon.  We are ready for all the rights and responsibilities of American Citizenship.

Hobo

The new arrival

I'm pointing at my new little sister.  You don't get to see her on MY blog because I have to share everything else.  Not sharing my blog.   I'm practicing for when she gets older and wants to use my toys. 

At crazy old Korean harpy practice

Every Wednesday after music class is crazy old Korean harpy class. What do you think? Over and over we make the face and say "YOU NO BLOCK DRIVEWAY! YOU MOVE CAR NOW!" Then we wander up and down Clement street collecting plastic grocery bags.

I Got Rhythm

Yes I do. Here I try to educate mom. Sadly, she has no more rhythm than a sack of weasels. But she's cute- gotta give her that.

Who Just Farted?

One of us... guess who.

Tasty Marker

I won't eat meat. I won't eat vegatables. I don't really care for candy. But magic marker....mmm.... magic marker.

Busted!

I should have known it would be trouble when dad asked me to help out in his crystal meth lab. Sure enough - the pigs come busting in and take us away. Fortunately Martha Stewart was my cellmate and she knitted me this attractive jumpsuit from some hemp that she had been growing under her bed. Tomorrow Martha will teach me to make a shank.

Going to the career fair

Dad says I can do anything. When I grow up, I want to be worker in a textile factory, or a riveter (do they still have rivets? I think its all composites now), or Deborah Winger in "Officer and a Gentleman."

High Self Esteem

I am so talented. I can walk when motivated to reach something dangerous, like an electrical outlet, a flight of stairs, or nuclear secrets. Everyone loves me and compliments me on even the most modest achievement like genome mapping or firm poop. My self-esteem is so high that my head has swollen like, well, a baloon; in fact my head has trancended simile and metaphor and has become an actual baloon.

RAAWWR!!

Here's the fierce tiger prowling through the jungle of soft fuzzy toys in search of her prey - a battered, wounded, slow-moving copy of "Blueberries for Sal" I will stalk my prey through the fuzzy toy jungle and corner it and gum it to a greasy pulp.

Waiting for the keg

So if I cant yet walk to the keg, maybe the keg will come to me! No ice, please.

Future Leader of the Free World

Here I am, future Princeton graduate... eating sand. Sand, tasty sand. Good for my digestion.

Geraldine McGuire

Everyone in my family wears glasses except for me... it's only a matter of time so I thought I'd get started

My future as a carnivore

Hello, pooh. Hello, dinner! Yum yum, Polyester!

Iron Diaper

Check out my new industrial strength diaper. I can literally shit a brick in this thing! In fact, I just did.

Evil Lair

Here I plot world domination from the contol center of my evil lair. Already I am in partial control. Star Jones fired? All me. Ok maybe it's not an EVIL lair after all.

My first boyfriend

Charlie is a Duke fan - they lost in the NCAA tourney and he is inconsolable. What can I say - there's no resisting a man with an alfalfa tuft.

What will I be when I grow up?

An orchestra conductor?
A dictator?
A magic fairy?
A pimp? (shown here beating down a disappointing employee)
An Olympic torch bearer?
President of Northern Trust?
Or better yet, their best customer...

Some people look like their dog...

...I look like my fuzzy pink bunny.

Happy Valentine's Day

I spent my valentine's day in the casino. Free cocktails! Hit me!

Would you buy insurance from me?

I may be cute enough for advertising. I eagerly await the call from the agency. One look at me and they'll buy buy buy that insurance, those radial tires, that cholesterol medicine.

Couch Potatoes

Here I am (left) with my friends the twins - Caroline, and William. Mom and aunt Katherine are letting us watch Jackass on MTV while they go for cigarettes. Today's episode - "Dwarf Wedgies." Our reactions varied. William: delighted. Caroline: horrified. Me: Ennui. Oh the sadness of it all.

Float like a bee, sting like a butterfly

Some boys out there carry the shame that dare not speak its name... "ass kicked by a girl." You know who you are, and I'm sending some more of you to that ignominious clubhouse.

Balancing my Chakras

Mom drops me off at Thursday yoga and goes for vodka and shrimp cocktail down the street. Yoga makes me feel young again, young as when the world was new, and also less angry at the lack of a good division 1-A football playoff.

Happy New Year

Most baby new years will be old and grey in 1 year's time. Not Me! I will be toddler new year. Happy new year everyone!!!

Turkey coma

uhhhnnnhh - somebody loosen my belt. merry Christmas to all, and to all a good gravy.

My first X-mas present

I Looooove Santa Claus. I got 37 outfits in many motifs including duckies, bunnies, froggies, doggies, and trekkies. This last from dad who also gave me a copy of the "Dungeon Master's Guide" and a pair of 20-sided dice. He says I will be surrounded by boys this way. Skinny boys who even when he is 60 he can beat the crap out of.

Mine... all mine

The other day when mom wasn't looking I logged onto yahoo shopping and look what came! A meat thermometer, a box of honduran cigarillos, some size 12 baseball cleats and a DVD of "Booty Call". All mine!